


Don't Let The Curtain Catch You

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: ADHD mention, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic!Stiles, Paranoia, Road Trip, breif mentions of stopping medication, post 5A, post season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knew he was paranoid, he had been paranoid for... God... he didn't know how long... but it doesn't make him feel any better knowing when he thinks a stack of towels is a person, when a soothing shower is turned into a nightmare, when he can't hold onto his mind anymore</p><p>Derek is there to push away all the shadows and show him the light</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let The Curtain Catch You

**Author's Note:**

> Somebody go count all the fics I have named after Florence + The Machine lyrics...
> 
> This is dedicated to my gorgeous freind Nicole, who's going through a loss right now, I'm working on something cuter for you dear but I thought I'd hold you over with this <3
> 
> I do want to mention ahead of time that it's mentioned in here that Stiles has stopped taking his Adarall because his ADHD was getting better and his anxiety was getting worse, and Adarall is known to cause/worsen anxiety, plus I think in canon he's probably been off of it for a few seasons now, I can't imagine that he's been taking it since around 3B honestly, I hope this doesn't bother anyone but I felt it was important to mention when Stiles' anxiety is the forefront of the fic because of the effects Adarall has on it, and because you can't take anxiety medication with it

Paranoia is a dangerous thing, and don't ever let anyone tell you it isn't

It's not only dangerous, it's also frightening

And the only thing worse than being shaken and paranoid when you're wide awake is being shaken and paranoid when you're exhausted

And Stiles was most definately exhausted

They had been driving for nearly the entire day and he was just ... done

He was absolutely cooked and was honestly pretty surprised that he was keeping himself awake long enough to get in the shower

He had hoped that the hot water would help keep him awake but if anything it was just doing the exact opposite and the warm water was making him feel drowsier than he did when he got in

He tried to turn the heat up but couldn't stand the steam as it was and ultimately just settled for the fact that he was going to have to trudge to bed as soon as he was out of here, dinner apparently would have to go to hell tonight

He had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of his hair and was reaching for the soap when he glanced over his shoulder and saw it

A figure standing right in front of him through the blurry white curtain with black hair and grey clothes

He screamed, more startled than anything, and slammed himself into the back of the shower, scrambling to find something that would help him

He wasn't sure if he was trying to cover himself up or if he was trying to defend himself but he wanted out of this situation- NOW

The bathroom door swung open a second later and he immediately felt the breeze, shivering and clutching the wall desperately

"Stiles!? Stiles what's wrong!?" Derek shouted as he ran to the shower

"S-Someone.. I thought.. is someone with you?" he mumbled, and God even to his own ears his voice sounded slurred and drunk

"No, no... Stiles no one is with me, see? Can you see?" he asked gently, giving the curtain just a gentle tug to prompt Stiles to peer around the corner of it

He swallowed, peeking out and feeling his heart jump into his throat and then sink into his stomach when he saw that the supposed figure was just his fresh clothes hanging on the upper towel rack and the fresh towels on the second

"It looked like someone was there," he mumbled, sinking down to the bottom of the shower and staring at his shaking hands with disdain, clutching them into fists didn't seem to help- they just shook harder

He listened as Derek slouched down in front of the shower on his side of the curtain and took a breath

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered

"No," Stiles bit back venomously

But the silence carried on for a few seconds and he started talking just to fill the void

"I don't know how you do it, do you know that?" he asked a moment into it

"How I do what?"

Stiles made a gesture, despite knowing that Derek almost certainly couldn't see him, that resembled an "all over" expression

"This, living, you.... you live... and trust me I didn't ever think I'd be saying something like that but.. like.. you're alive and you're not... you're not a basket case like I am," he sighed

"You aren't a basket case Stiles," Derek insisted with a frown

Stiles just shook his head again, rubbing at his eyes

"Yeah, yeah I am ... I just... how? How the hell Derek? How do you live through what you lived through? How are you not looking for bridges to jump off of every freaking day? Because this? This is.... beyond unbearable,"

"It's... not easy," Derek admitted with a heavy sigh

"I wish I could tell you that there's a quick fix to this or that it would just.. go away, that it would heal with time or something like that, but none of it is true and I promise you that so don't go believing anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, it's... time doesn't heal anything, it scars over, it gets BETTER, but I stopped believing it would make any of it stop a long time ago,"

Stiles gave a slow nod, licking his lips and closing his eyes

"So.. it's just a scar now?"

"Pretty much, and it still hurts but I can live with it, it only really hurts when I touch it... when something bothers it, when it gets picked and poked at... you know what I mean?"

"Yeah I do," he mumbled back lowly

Derek took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, dragging his hands down his face

"I wish I could tell you that it would go away Stiles, that some day... some day you'll be healed and it won't hurt anymore, but it isn't true and I can't... lie to spare your feelings,"

"Good, I don't want you to,"

Derek would have normally said something about how Stiles was a terrible liar but now was not one of those times

"I just don't get it, how can any of this get any easier?" he asked after another moment

"I really.... really don't know, I'm sorry, I just... don't,"

There was silence on the other end, nothing between them but a curtain

"I promise it will though," Derek added after a moment

"I promise there will come a day when it doesn't hurt this much anymore, you just have to get there, and I know how hard it is, trust me... but I do, I get it really, and it.. it won't heal, ever, not completely, but it will fade,"

"Ok, so what do you do to make it fade?"

"You just have to live, you have to breathe and I don't know any more than that... sorry, I wish I could help more, I really do,"

Stiles didn't answer for a moment, just nodding like a bobblehead as he tried to think from inside the shower

"Do you really think this road trip is helping?" he finally asked, wich had honestly been on his mind more than anything else

"Helping.. helping you?"

He nodded again slowly, running his fingers through his wet hair

"I mean this.. like... reverse Supernatural thing... saving people, hunting things, the annoying business... I don't know, it doesn't feel like it's doing much,"

"Give it longer than a few months Stiles," Derek said softly

"I think it'll have it's desired effects if you just give it long enough to kick in, and yes there will be speed bumps along the way and things that slow you down or stop you completely but it's about getting past those things, trust me, I still have.... moments,"

There was another bout of silence for a moment before Stiles finally reached up and turned the water off

"Need a towel?" Derek offered

"Please?" Stiles answered quietly

"Wow, you said please," the werewolf teased, reaching onto the towel rack and tossing one over the curtain for him

Stiles rolled his eyes, even if Derek didn't see it

"Bite me Hale," he grumbled

"I would but you seem to like it too much when I do that," he teased back

Stiles rolled his eyes again, wrapping the towel around his back and sitting on the shower floor again

"It's too much you know?" he asked after a moment

"I feel like ... like nothing is ever going to go back to normal, like this distance that's still between everybody? That it isn't going to go away, I feel like... no matter how much we talk about it or reconcile it... nothing is ever going to be normal again,"

"It'll be normal," Derek assured him

"I just think... maybe it'll be a new kind of normal, you know? It won't be the same normal it was before but I don't think you're going to lose anybody,"

Stiles nodded half-heartedly, sniffling and rubbing his eyes again

"God.... God the anxiety is killing me, it's just.. it's just killing me," he breathed

"I know... did stopping the Adderall help?"

"Yeah," he mumbled

The Adderall had to be put to a stop a few months ago when Stiles' anxiety had driven him over the edge, when he felt like having a panic attack almost every day

And he already had been skipping most of his doses anyway

It had been a choice between hyperactivity and crippling anxiety and the anxiety won

Besides that, since developing his powers as the ADHD had minimized

Ravens don't heal the way werewolves do and the mind can't be healed anyway but Lydia had mentioned that some problems like attention disorders and even anxiety it's self can come from stored away magic that has no outlet

He had been getting rid of it little by little, honing it, for six months now and it was helping greatly

Not enough though

Still not enough

He had started taking an herbal anxiety medication- Satomi's suggestion, unbelievably- several months ago and it was helping to take the edge off sometimes

Not all the time

Not enough of the time

"How does the magic feel? Is it ok?" Derek asked after a moment

"Yeah it's... there's no real change, I don't feel like ripping heads off right now so ... that's gotta be a good sign,"

"Probably,"

It had started as Stiles' idea, opening a private detective service for supernatural creatures

The road tripping had been Derek's

They had been gone from Beacon Hills for three months and there were good days and bad days and in between days

It wasn't a fix-all and it didn't make things worse

"Do you want to go back soon?" Stiles asked quietly

"I think so... do you?"

Stiles gave a half-hearted shrug, knowing that there wouldn't be much for them now that everyone else had gone to their own respective colleges, Melissa and the sheriff were really the only ones still there as always

Though he supposed it could be good to see his dad again and be back in the familiar town

"I think we should take tommorrow off," Derek added suddenly

"I think we've been in that car for too long, I'll pay for another night, we weren't going anywhere special right now anyway,"

Stiles gave a hum of approval, picking at the threads of the towel

They were silent again, neither uncomfortable with it and in fact well enough for Derek to start dozing

Until, ofcourse, he heard the tell-tale sound of the shower curtain opening and looked over to see Stiles sliding it back, wordlessly moving out and climbing into Derek's lap

He wrapped his arms around Derek's neck, squeezing, pulling, desperately hanging on and trying to anchor himself

Derek hugged back, arms wrapped around his back and face nuzzling into his hair as he inhaled his scent, rubbing the towel against his back for a moment before standing and fluidly picking up Stiles to hold in his arms like something precious that he couldn't afford to let go of

They noticed, as they breifly passed by the windows of the hotel room, that it was raining out already

Stiles clutched harder, digging his nails into Derek's skin- not that the werewolf minded

"It'll get better," Derek assured him, laying him in bed and stripping out of his jeans and boxers

"I know it sounds impossible and I'm .... never saying it'll ever stop hurting completely, but.. it'll get better, I promise, eventually, it will,"

Stiles glanced up, watching as Derek tucked the blankets in around him warmly before crawling into the bed himself

"It already has," he mumbled

Derek smiled gently at him, kissing his forehead and starting to pull the blankets up around himself, only for Stiles to crawl over and gently pin Derek to his back, crawling over and straddling him as he started to kiss him

"You sure?" Derek breathed

Stiles nodded eagerly, running his hands through Derek's dry hair

"Please," he pleaded breathlessly

Derek just nodded, leaning up and capturing Stiles' mouth in a deep kiss

It was difficult

It was messy

It was horrible and it hurt and it had moments where Stiles just felt like his anxiety was crashing in around him

Crushing him

Relentless

But then Derek was there

Derek was always there now and always had his back, just like he always had Derek's

When he needed a soft place to fall or a smooth patch of skin to caress or even just a hand to hold and a freind to call on, Derek was at his side and he never once left

And it may sound like a small comfort

And it may sound like many insignificant things when you consider all of the agony that they've been through to get here

But Stiles wouldn't trade Derek for the world

And it did feel better

The aching, the screaming, the mind-numbing worry... it felt better in Derek's arms, sometimes slightly, sometimes more

And Derek was more than happy to be Stiles' safe haven just as Stiles was more than happy to be his

It was a give and take that neither was used to but they were working it out

And when it came to nights like these when it felt like all of the ships in the harbor were wrecking, their's stayed steady

It stayed afloat

Because it had been built with care and love and sincerity

Because no matter how many storms or winds or waves caught ahold of it, it would never wreck


End file.
